Good morning to Soul Sips on Sunday!
I hope that you’re enjoying this gorgeous day. Today, I have one of my favorite coffee mugs, since my kids joke I have piles of coffee mugs, ’cause it’s all about how it feels. But what I also have is these. And these guys actually, it’s kind of funny that this is Sunday, we used to have a tradition in our family.
We’d go to church on Sunday, and I have three sisters, and so we would all sit in the car, I think illegally, and we would drive to Tim Horton’s. And because it worked out so well, there was six of us in the family, we each got two doughnuts to choose from, and then those doughnuts would sit on my mom’s lap. And the aroma of those doughnuts would come through the car. And we would have to continue to not eat because you don’t eat in a car.
We did the drive through the Lakeshore, and the Yacht Club, and then when we got home, you could eat those two doughnuts that you chose. And it was like a tradition right, and you know you look back in you can go geez, those traditions were so great, like it added stability and this knowing of what was coming.
And then I grew up. And I would set my own traditions and set my own routines and habits and everything else. And then I thought that was like how you lived, and that was life and everything as well, that was passed on to me from generation to generation. And that blew apart.
So those traditions that were great stability for me, or so I thought, because they were just told to me, and you just did them, because you do them. And when they all fell apart, I fell apart too. Like what does this all mean? And who and where are we? And then you kind of try to pick back at those pieces and one of my pieces is baking. My mom, I always remember when I would come home from school the days that I walked in the house and she’s baking something, it just had this calm to me that life was okay. And then so then I started doing it – it would, became my thing. I didn’t even often eat my baking. I just needed to go through the process. I called up my stress reliever. And, and, I adapted that and just kind of kept with that.
Well Interestingly enough, today I went and got these, because I needed something to just, I don’t know, feel okay And I know it’s peculiar because you probably don’t even think I eat doughnuts, I love doughnuts. I love plain doughnuts, not plain plain – honey dip. Through my pregnancies, I ate doughnuts like crazy. I kind of joke with my son Cameron, he’s a really big guy, he’s got really big thighs and I always say that his thunder thighs are the result of my honey crullers, and he was my biggest baby. And I was joke about that, but they’re soothing to me, in which I know we all have these things that are soothing, that will calm us.
And are they great? No! No they’re not great, they’re crutches. Whether it’s our glass of wine at night or coffee in the morning or even going and exercising you know for crazy amounts of crazy intensity. They’re all these areas to just, yeah they’re outlets, yeah they’re fine once and awhile but when they become a crutch or they’re numbing us, to what we’re actually feeling.
And right now, I feel terribly uncomfortable. I question and question and question whether I should even do these videos, but I thought these videos are all about being real, it’s real life shit that is going on. And right now I find it so difficult, as I’m sure many of you guys do, I am such a touchy, feely person, so to not be able to touch you when I see you, or to not be able to see your expression or my expression when I see you because I’ve got this darn mask on me. I feel like there’s just like a vibe of anger and of course anger means fear, and it’s real right now.
I used to kind of say like how many people will reply hi back to me whenever for a walk or go for a run. Like lately, I’ve just given up, I just couldn’t stop even saying hello to people on streets. It’s not good I get it. But I’m feeling like I am up to here with it all. And the intensity that goes with all of it. The other day within 48 hours, I witnessed four accidents and they were just normal accidents. People were like out in parking lots yelling at each other because they banged into each other, and, and, it’s not good I get it, but it was just like WHAT is happening?
And then I fly over to my position as a mother of teenagers in this, like you know I would never diss a dad, I’m not doing that, and you guys are on your own path, I can’t speak to you. I can’t really actually speak anybody, but when somebody is a fellow mother, and I explain my angst, my worry, my not totally understanding how they are rolling through all of this, whether it is their migration up to their rooms, their gaming, their TV watching, their bingeing, they’re eating shit. You’re trying to, you would think because they’re under your roof and control, you can control what they eat. You can’t. They could go to McDonald’s anytime they want right?
Even if we did create this, it’s really something right now, maybe everything’s just got a magnifying glass on it. I don’t know, and as a mother, I have found this to be very, very, difficult. Because there’s no books there’s no, there’s not even, we can’t even look to our leaders in our world without questioning everyone and everything as to what’s truth. And you know, I think down deep we know that, we know what our truth is. We know what our gut is saying to us and allowing that to happen.
But I’m just at the moment, that I just feel like, it’s really, really frustrating, and it’s difficult. So my thing is how these guys. So there was more than twenty, and I’ve probably eaten sixteen? Myself. I think the thing is – did you know that my age group, the 40 to 65 I do believe it is, we’re the highest rate of suicide. It’s like, life is friggin’ hard and sometimes, you just wanna check out. And I’m not speaking to this, I’m far from her professional, I’m just this human saying, I hear you, it is hard, and you really are the person to heal and help yourself.
But the other thing is, and somebody like myself, I have a hard time asking for help. I have a really hard time asking for help. And I just encourage you to reach out because it’s not necessarily that we’re looking to other people for the answers. Maybe it’s just a validation. Maybe it’s just hopefully this video going, “yes, I feel the same way, it sucks, it’s really hard.” If you kind of feel like you’re not alone and that is okay to do this, or to have a glass of wine tonight or to do whatever it is you feel like you need to do, to just take that step forward, and to just acknowledge it, be in it, sit, relax, leave the dishes, who cares what the house looks like.
My thing is, it’s hard. It is really hard right now. And I encourage you to be gentle and kind to yourself. Who cares what anyone else thinks? Who cares what anyone else says? Who cares what you’ve always done? And who cares if at this stage of the game, you don’t feel like cooking dinner all week and you have pizza and hot dogs. Who cares?
Take care of yourself and stop guilting, and I guess we to know that, this too shall pass. And hopefully we all come out of it stronger, a little bit more aware, a little bit wiser and a little bit kinder. Kinder – to ourselves and to others. Compassion is a huge, huge pond, if we’re out there, out in the world, where there’s lots of frustration and there’s lost of anger, and lots of fear. Maybe we can be the ones that just smile through our eyes and give people hugs. I don’t know, with our eyes, I don’t know! Our hands! Something!
Take care take care of yourself first, and then go from there.